January

31/366 days

“Your 31 day trial of 2016 has now expired.”

January has been a busy month since the starting but on a good note, i started the day 01 waking up to the boyf and also spent the day with my mum, sister and boyf, following
january has been filled with alot of anxiety, vexation and downhearted.

with the over-loaded assignments, events, work commitments and also emotional fights it lead the month into a neutral one, neither a good or a bad month.
i have been basically staying in studio till 9:30pm from monday – friday
& weekends are just work -> meeting the boyf

on a particular week of January has been the worst nerve-wrecking week for me, i even had the worst preparation prepared but i’m so glad it’s all over now.

also had my final year project presentation on the 22nd january and ….. apparently my ‘lus:id/ got choosen as one of the short film, slightly excited to get ‘lus:id/ shot!

Thoughts of the month 

> Hatred has been a big part of me as i was growing up and it’s still is, hate is a strong word so i always remind myself not to say it easily but a few days back i couldn’t go on telling myself that. i hate you, i hate how you were a part of his life, i hate that i even knew it before i met him, i hate everything that had happened between you and him even though it’s past which leads to point number two.

> Letting go, i let go of lots of stuffs as the year was ending last year and this time, i need to let go of the hatred i have within me, with the overwhelming hatred and jealousy in me, i’m changing into somebody else i don’t know.

> Love is greater, emotional fights were filling in during january, coming from understanding to finding fault to almost losing but i realize, love is greater, love is able to conquer and we know, we love each other.

on a side note, Chinese New Year is approaching !!!
i’m basically going all Zalora this cny not because i’m a brand ambassador but because online shopping was easier and less time spent + i always love Zalora clothes so why not?

i am recently really hook onto restaurant city 2016, felt like i was back in my secondary school days, just looking forward to go on facebook and check on my restaurant ….

although there’s still roughly half a year to my 21st birthday, the planning has already started and i’m kinda stuck on two choices ???
> Big Sky Room : No plain wall for photo taking
> Sky Room : Kinda small to fit in 30-40pax
but i really want to stick to lloyd’s inn for the hotel choice. sigh !!!
still trying to cap the amount of people to <30 but i currently have 40+ people on the list

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today, it’s day 02/29 and here’s to another busy month. cant wait for all the assignments to end

January’s visual

 

 

OCS Social Night

So Bernard invited me to his Alpha’s wing social night on the 30th December which was held at Safti, i kept bugging him for a proper invitation because i felt that since social night was a “grand” and important event, i deserve a proper invite ??? so … he wrote a really nice letter to me and plus point because he got me a bouquet of flowers (which was my first bouquet of flowers from him and also i checked out the cart + paid it with his credit card on my own because he couldn’t checked out hahahah qtpie)

He told me about the social night roughly a month before the event and yes, i was really paranoid and excited at the same time ???? i wanted to know what would it be like just to “equip” myself so i went to google and read a few blog posts from the girls who attended social night before and all of them look amaaaazing and roughly a week after i started looking for my social night dress which was really hard because i was busy with assignments and i had to shoot my short film during the term break and even when i had a day of break all i wanted to do was to rest so …. it was partly my laziness! ha.

I wanted to wear a maxi dress because i thought it would be more “appropriate” and bernard also mention that it would be quite “grand” and since he was going to wear his smart two … i wanted to look good beside him so i went onto carousell and selected my top five but eventually i chose a really pretty black halter bareback maxi dress and a few days later the postage came in the mail, i tried it the moment i got home but sadly i couldn’t fit the dress because my upper body was too skinny for the dress and the dress was practically exposing my boobs which was really …. krikkk, asked for sos and bernard’s sister was really sweet to spare me her fashion tape so i can tape the upper body’s side down but i went on to search for another back up dress (which i wasn’t suppose to but a girl got to do what she got to do, sorry bby!) and two days before the social night i managed to get another dress on carousell which was a really pretty piece too and best part ? it fitted me perfectly.

^ The dress that didn’t fit me but it’s soooo pretty ???? urgh! ^

 

 ^ My outfit for Social Night! ^

On the day of Social Night, i went over to bernard’s place in the afternoon after he book out because he place was just a fifteen minutes drive to safti and his parents were really sweet to drive us there!

so, i went over and bernard kept dragging me to dance because he said it was alpha’s tradition to dance during social night and to the people who don’t know me well … i honestly can’t dance, i can’t even shake my body well (i honestly wonder how i look like in club when i dance) but he kept mentioning that everyone had to dance and he was getting pissed because i just kept lying down on his bed and not wanting to move so reluctantly, i drag myself to his parents room and his mum taught us how to dance with the help of his sister, it was really fun and awkward because it was my first time dancing after a really long time and it was also my first time dancing with bernard … so i was slightly awkward and shy, i have no idea why ??? we practiced the dance and went to have lunch together. i tried my best not to eat too much because my dress was kinda tight fitting ….. went home to rest and started preparing, did my make up and changed into my dress where bernard styled his hair and got dressed in his smart two and god, he look so good!

His parents drove us to safti, we went to look for Elson before registering, we went in and bernard started to introduce his mates to me, all of their dates looks aaaaaaaaamazing, i was super amazed ??? and also felt sightly low in self-esteem but bernard reminded me that i look really good that night so yay comfort! we didn’t do anything much that night because we didn’t wanted to participate in the games so we kept can siam we siam! hahah it was more of following him around and had small conversation with his mates and their date, lucky me that i met some of his mates before during christmas so i was able to interact a-little! there were performances as well and i laughed so bad at one of the performance by one of his mate, they prank him earlier the day saying that he had to perform, it was suppose to be a prank but someone sabotage him and he had to perform the road march cheer (which was really quite impressive that he could thought of that in a really short time but nether-less it was a good performance, i laughed so much) and after that it was some award giving thingy.

 

 

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Soon they started the alpha dance with the song thinking out loud !!! i was still slightly reluctant to dance but when bernard turned to me and said “shall we ?” i went ♥.♥ , still reluctant but i thought to myself why not ? since we already practiced and …. i never regretted dancing with bernard although throughout the dance i was laughing because he kept going “1,2,3,4” just like how we practiced at home and he was kinda off point so i told him “why not you follow my lead ?” but well, guys being guys with their ego … he insisted in leading so i just kept laughing but it was a really good dance and it was also out first dance so yay no regrets!
after the dance, it was some platoon dance ??? and he platoon was really cute dancing to harlem shake and eventually after that it was the night of the social night and we headed home by cab and had supper together before i went home.

I didn’t take a lot of pictures because …. half of the time i was just following bernard around but it was really nice meeting Jamie there and we had a short catch up before the night ended !!!

& to the girls who are reading this to prepare yourself for social night ….

1. Prepare at least two weeks before the night!
Outfit, Make up, accessories but i just did my normal everyday make up and my go to causal sling bag ! I only got my dress a week before the night which i couldn’t fit and it was too late to get it altered but lucky me that i managed to get a dress that fits perfectly two days before the event and it’s ok to over-dress, really!

2. Take more pictures
Smile and just take take take! I kept asking bernard to re-take our ootd and maybe because it was social night so he didn’t complain at all ???? which was really nice of him but i honestly regretted not taking more with the people i know!

3. Just enjoy the night 
I’m glad i took things easy and tried to open myself up more to talk to people first and just enjoy the night with the performances and the companies

& lastly, if your date is in alpha wing … DANCE !!! 

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Looking forward to your commission !!! ♥

Goodbye, Twenty-Fifteen

Twenty-fifteen has been an honestly crazy year, ton’s of ups and downs, it was a very emotional year but it has also actually brought out a part of me that i wouldn’t have the courage to show the world without the encouragement from the friends, the boyf, the family and especially the clique (4ever)

I am absolutely grateful for tons of people, my boyf, my parents, my friends, the bestf and also i can’t help but repeat especially the clique (4ever)

In twenty-fifteen, i lost a a bunch of girls who held a really special place in my heart, one whom i had known for sixteen years, one whom had been one of my bestest friend and one whom turned from an enemy to a close friend. I don’t blame them neither do i blame myself now for us falling apart, we’ve all moved on i’m pretty sure.

In twenty-fifteen, i had receive praises, compliments and good comments from people in my life, mentioning that i’ve grown a lot, i’ve opened up a lot, i’ve been more independent in both school work and personal life and mainly, i’ve stepped out of my comfort zone which i felt that it was really important and also i’ve learnt to let go and move on in life.

In twenty-fifteen, i’ve achieved so many things. From being a GL for FOC Camp to being part of the main committee family of my club to finishing halloween special effects make up attachment (which was a really good experience) to being an SPOH website model and also getting my sponsorship for blogging!

In twenty-fifteen, my relationship has taken another step higher, from bernard’s graduation to being an NS BMT Girlf to an OCS Girlf now and with all the things that are in our way, we made it through so far and twenty-sixteen would be an amazing year with you again.

It has been an emotional year and i’m glad that twenty-fifteen is over as i’m really looking forward to a better year in twenty-sixteen.

I believe twenty-sixteen would continue to be an emotional year, clique splitting up, being a glt, stepping down, final year project, the hectic long awaited internship and oh have i mention that i’m back to teaching on the weekends ? + the boy’s brunei and taiwan trip ….

In twenty-sixteen, i would hit twenty-one which is the age that i’m always looking very forward to (and the planning for it has already started!) although i’m growing a year older and by the last day of twenty-sixteen, 31 December 2016.

Dear me, i hope you are able to check most of your twenty-sixteen resolutions, i hope you spent more time with your family and had the greatest twenty-one birthday party you have always wanted, i hope you are enjoying your internship and not regretting any choices you had made, i hope you had continue to step out of your comfort zone because in twenty-fifteen you’ve learnt that it was really important, i hope had continue trying hard at school in your assignments although i know by now you would still be hating nuke, maya, after effects and cinema 4D, i hope you and bernard are now counting down together, i believe you and him has make it through all your busy schedules and i hope you had a great year because today on the 1st January you believe it would be.

But well, here’s to all the good memories made in twenty-fifteen.

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xx

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Althea Christmas Box

Althea is a webstore which carries authentic Korea beauty products all the way from Korea and the best point they ship internationally but for Althea SG (< click)

This is my second time shopping at Althea, i’m always a fan of Korean Beauty Products but due to us being in Singapore, i personally find that the cost price is always higher here compared to going Korea physically to get our products but thanks to Althea, i can get all my beauty products all in one site and of course at a lower cost price compared to shops! and bonus point it would be mailed to your place so despite being busy with school and work, you still can get all your products!

Althea is currently having their 3 x-mas deals !!!

01 : Christmas Coupon
> $7 off when you check out with XMAS-SG 
> Free Shipping with above $30 (usually it will be $50!)

02 : Limited Edition Box
> Instead of their usual beautiful pink box (which i have madly fallen in love with!) your beauty products will come in their limited edition Christmas season box in red or green!

03 : Fly Me To Korea Lucky Draw
> Grand prize, A trip to Seoul, Korea flight and hotel (5 days 4 nights) + a dinner with Althea 
> First prize, $400 Althea credit
> Second prize, $200 Althea credit

I personally would like to win the first or second prize though like credits ??? omg, i can stock up my beauty products for a few months or of course get gifts for my lovelies !!!

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I submitted my orders on the 30th November, Monday and the products arrived on 4th December, Friday. Pretty impressed with the shipping as it only took four days and the products were shipped from Korea! (Whoop, Christmas came early for me!)

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What i got :

2. Change Pack Tone Line   – S$15
3. Tinted Dual Brow – S$14.40
4. New Delight Tony Tint – S$4.00
Total : S$64.95
Discount (XMAS-SG,Innisfree Brand Day) : -S$9.16
Use Points : -S$55.79
did i also mention that first time customer who signed up for an AltheaKorea account, you get 10 points ???? (-S$10.00) for your first or next purchase !!!!

till then, xx

Life as a NS (BMT) Girlfriend

 

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I’ve been together with Bernard for close to a year and a half before he enlisted for National Service and i wouldn’t deny that it was a long and hard process for me as at that point of time i was already very physically and emotionally attached to Bernard.

We had a lot of ups and downs in the year and a half, we are both very strong headed people who are stubborn and we also have a very strong stand towards our own choices and thoughts.

Bernard was enlisted to Tekong for BMT and he was one of those enlistee in the enhance batch, it was during a tuesday morning which he had to report to Tekong, both his parents, his older sister and i went along with him. All was well but two things that hit me hard was when the enlistee was saying their vow and the usual loud three words was “with my life” and secondly, was when we said goodbye. All i wanted to do at that point of time was to grab hold of him and not let him go lol lol lol.
It was so bad, i almost cried but i didn’t wanted to seem weak infront of his parents and sister ( ha ha ha ) so i held it all back.

so through out the 9 weeks, it was just like a rollercoaster ride, filled with ups and downs, fast and slow.
I usually keep him updated with my whereabouts like going to school, going out with my friends etc or what i’ve eaten for my meals and also counting down to his POP hahah!

so ….

1. Emotionally Unstable
I was extremely emotionally unstable at that point of time because i was still trying to adapt to the “timetable” he had. I often found myself really lonely, lost and upset because i was so overly attached to him and i was also having my term break when he enlisted so ….. it was a lot worst. The first two weeks of confinement just made everything worst, there were times where i just wanted to stay in bed the whole day to cry lol. But i tried to distract myself, kept myself busy with school work when the term started again and i also tend to re-read encouraging messages that he sent me!

2. Boring Topics/Neglaction
Phone calls, text messages and face to face conversation was always about BMT/IPPT/Standard Obstacle Course, Route March, Battle Inoculation Course and the other BMT Stuff that he did/his bunk mates did.
I wouldn’t deny that there were times when i got sick and tired about him talking about BMT and i would tend to throw a tantrum at him about it. One thing i have learnt that communication is really important, we made a promise that if there’s anything we dislike or not comfortable with we would say it out so all was well at the end but honestly, some of his army stories are really interesting !!!!

3. Time Management
> Amanda :
School from Monday – Friday (8am – 9.30pm)
Work from Saturday – Sunday (8am – 4.30pm)
> Bernard :
BMT from Monday – Friday (all day, different timing)
Gym on Saturday/Sunday (9.30am – 1.30pm)

Time management was an issue for us.
Weekends are short and precious, bernard always repeatedly tell me
“24 hours outside, 48 hours inside”
There’s so many people he have to spend time with, his family, his poly friends, his bromance, his other friends and of course me.
and i think that it’s really important he spend time with his close friends and the more important one family.
so instead of just me and him alone on every weekend, we go out with his sisters or once in awhile his closest friend. which is really good because he gets to spend time with them + me ! (so yayz!)
and of course, in some case most of the weekend they would be dying to just stay home and sleep (which is bernard’s case!!) so on some weekend we would just laze at home, watch downloaded movies or just play l4d!

But like what i have mention communication is really important, we concluded that we have to meet at least once a week! (unless for duty/outfield) so we can spend at least a day together and it would usually be sundays so i can accompany him to pasir ris for book in (ps/ i was there during every book out and book in haha except one day where he book out at 11pm and it was way too late) and also support, mentally and physically. 

so he just POP two months back and he is in OCS now!
OCS So far has been a crazier ride and maybe i’ll do another post on it as times pass !!
lastly to end this post, the most important thing to me is staying faithful.

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Reflection 


today, I told you I was tired. you kept telling me “no, you’re thinking of something” i told you I was tired of you, you asked me if I was serious but you thought I was joking around with you while you try to put your finger up my nose. I told you again I was tired of you. I looked at the collage of pictures on your wall. among all the picture I saw the one that we took on the second day we got together that was the one which started everything. you told me it was fine because you are not tired of me, I just lay there in silence. you didn’t ask me why I say it, you didn’t ask me why. i fondled with the ring that was on my third finger, i took it out and placed it on the table, you didn’t ask me why I took it out, you didn’t ask me why. So time passed, you lay down in furious as i just bit your arm, i stood up, got changed and started packing my stuff, you took off the pillow that was covering your face and you ask me if i was leaving and i said no. and here you are lying down in comfort and snoring away. You wasn’t worried that i would take my bag and go, you wasn’t. I’m tired of the uncomfortable silence that has been going on between us, silence between us has never felt this uncomfortable. I’m tired of putting in effort and things doesn’t turn out how i expected or thought it would, expectations leads to disappointment. i’m tired of how i can’t explain why and how tired i am of you. I guess comfort came in the way and we both thought it was ok to neglect, we both thought it was ok to let the other person wait, we thought we thought but now ask ourself dear, are we staying together because we are comfortable with each other already or are we staying together because we truly and honestly love each other?

Darling, tell me.

Do you love me or you love your idea of me?

Get to know me tag

So someone asked me on my ask.fm to do a get to know me tag
and here you go anonymous !

1. Are you named after anyone? I don’t think so,  my mum told me once that “Amanda” was apparently one of the most popular names in the year 1995 so that’s why she named me Amanda

2. When was the last time you cried? Just a few nights ago

3. Do you have kids? No.

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself? Yea, i would prolly do but i will be more careful in speaking negatively? as i realize i’m really emotional and i tend to take things personally and take it hard

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot? I guess so? probably to people i’m closer to?

6. Will you ever bungee-jump? No.

7. What’s your favorite cereal? Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes, Waffle Crisp and Fruity Pebbles! (I can’t decide!!)

8. What’s the first thing you notice about people? Looks i guess! and followed by hair, style and behaviour

9. What is your eye colour? Hazel Brown.

10. Scary movie or happy endings? Scary Movie with a good story line? or happy ending sounds good too (I can’t decide again!)

11. Favorite smells? The boyf’s scent, CK shock, Mountblanc Legend, DKNY be delicious fresh blossom, Baby Powder and Candles (This list will go on and on)

12. Summer or winter? Both are great

13. Computer or television? Computer definitely.

14. What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Probably China?

15. Do you have any special talents? I’m pretty good with paperwork and i get compliments from my art directions and ‘feel’ for a film set

16. Where were you born? Singapore

17. What are your hobbies? Photography, Vlogging, Reading, Watching drama series! or i just laze around

18. Do you have any pets? No.

19. Favorite movie?
English Film : Wild Child, Mean Girls, Easy A, A Cinderella Story,  Bride Wars, Revenge of the bridemaids, LOL, Angus thongs and perfect snogging, (Well, i really like Chick Flicks)
Chinese Film : Tiny Time 1 – 4,  You’re the apple of my eye
Thailand Film : First Love, Yes or no 1 – 2.5, She, Fan Chan, Suckseed
(This list will definitely go on and on!!!)

20. Do you have any siblings? Step siblings,  An younger brother and two younger sister

21. What do you want to be when you grow up? Successful? Producer, Art Director, Early childhood teacher ? I’m still lost about what’s coming up for me

So that’s it,

Semester two has started today and there’s so much coming for me + working on friday – sunday for halloween
currently working on a vlog and the next post (Life as a recruit girlfriend)

till then,
xo