Goodbye, Twenty-Sixteen

Twenty-Sixteen was draining, tough, suffocating and exhuasting.

I made a whole bunch of mistakes that defeated me this year and i didn’t know how to forgive myself, i learnt that happiness is temporary but joy last a little while more than temporary. In twenty-fifteen i learnt to let go and move on but in twenty-sixteen i fell right back into square one. It was so hard to let go of the hatred, anger and frustation deep down inside. I hate myself and i still do.

> Final year project (‘Lu:sid/)
Crazy bunch of team mates (Denzil, Chloe, Sharlene) that deal with my shit for the first semester of the year, lots of disagreement along the way but i’m very glad we managed to finish ‘Lu:sid/

> Stepping down DMIT Club (Public Relation Head/GL Trainer)
GL Training was really fun with my fellow trainers Cedric, who called me a milion time to wake me up in the morning so i wouldn’t be late and also Reynard who dealed with my shit. I think both of them had a fair share of dealing with my shit and also tolerating my nonsense and also my fellow GL(s) who made us vvvvvv proud!

> Bernard’s commissioning (OCS Infantry)
God damn it, i was so glad it was ovvvvvver for him and also me! i don’t have much to say about this, it was tough, crazy but also a good experience at the same time,  i’m a vvvvvv proud girlfriend! and yes, he brought me along as his date for commission ball! (who else can he bring right? hahah jk.)

> Twenty-First birthday celebration 
Extremely blessed! It was crazy, fun, lots of love and also lots of money spent $$$$

> Producing Internship (1-)
Internship is crazy but also really fun (with the right people, right crew) so far so good, i guess it’s “welcome to the real world” and honestly, the real production world is craaaaaazy but also really fullfilling, achivement unlock!! and best part, my batch of fellow interns are (y) (y) (y)

On a good note, i only fainted twice this year but meh, had a really bad stomach flu (i was bedridden for three days, the only three places i was at was the doctors, my room, the toilet to puke) conjunctivitis and also the usual fever/flu blah blah blah. Health has been really bad this year too.

I hope twenty-seventeen would be a better year with me making better choices but well, there is only so much you can do without losing yourself right ?

photo_2016-12-31_02-35-41

 

 

Back, finally.

I came home at 23:46, opened my room door and saw the letter i have been waiting for since 2014 on my table, i had a slight smirk on my face but that’s when i thought to myself, damn adult hood is here and yes, it’s my gst money. which i have been envy-ing since i was eighteen.

So, adult hood is here. i’m turning twenty-one in 26 days and yes, of course an advance celebration which will be held in 23 days (saturday) because my birthday falls on a tuesday.

Adult hood is scaring me, seeing how my friends and b are already paying their own bills scares me even more because i’m still living off my parents (yes even my phone bills) which isn’t going to last anymore. I’ve always dream and desire to meet my true love by the age of eighteen, get marry by twenty-five and give birth by twenty-eight but right now, at this exact moment i just want to finish my last year in poly, pass my interview and start working or even better get a place in a university (which is rlyyyyy hard because of my gpa), save up a sum of money or get more money in my cpf before settling down.

but geez, i can’t wait for my 21st celebration! most of the preparation has been settled, honestly thanks to the boyf’s sister and her boyfriend for helping me to ballot a place at SAF’s villa and also my mum for settling the catering (the amount of effort my mum is putting in just to make sure we can have pineapple fried rice is rly :’)) and yay. i’ve decided to get my ass back to blogging because i haven’t done it in a really long time and oh, if you have realize i bought my domain too so now it’s .com yay!

and ps/
ah you little bitches would be saying “amanda is such a attention seeker since I don’t know why” “I don’t need 20-50 people to come and celebrate my 21st for me” ah u little bitches who can’t get over yourselves and yes i am attention seeking so what, did i get your attention now to slam me more online ? 😉

 

Sorting life out (1)

One week left till the semester break ends and break has been busy, busy and busy!

I have been really busy with GL training, production planning, production shoot, camp, packing for move, resting at home and also back in Bernard’s arm because he’s back from Brunei but …. he’s leaving again for Taiwan in a week time so it’s goodbye for another month.

Life has been in a mess since i ended camp, can’t seem to get back on track with my schedule + it’s the second week i’m sick and still have not recover yet and everyday’s a struggle to cope with …. i promise i’ll be back on track with this space soon.

I came across this article “20-somethings — Give yourselves some credit because you’re doing just fine” 

1.  A job is a job
2. We’re all huge liars
3. Everyone moves at a different pace
4. You still have time to figure everything out
5. It’s unfair to compare yourself to other people
6. Relationships ain’t everything
7. The little successes, matters too
8. The world is way different than it used to be
9. Believe it or not, you’re still super young
10. You’re doing better than you realize

Honestly, it was a 10/10 hit after i finished the article but i still gave myself a pat on my back agreeing that i am doing better than i realize. I might had fucked up lots of stuff in the past or maybe i am still doing it now but i’m pretty sure that i had done way better than what i’ve expected from myself so far. I haven’t had my life figured out yet, i still have zero idea what i’m going to do next, even now everyday’s a struggle to cope but …. at least i’m still alive and still trying, trying my best and for that, kudos to myself but still … it’s also time to get my life back into place and time waits for no man.

I promise i will get my life back into place, schedule sorted out fully and also be more committed to this space.

but till then,

xx

January

31/366 days

“Your 31 day trial of 2016 has now expired.”

January has been a busy month since the starting but on a good note, i started the day 01 waking up to the boyf and also spent the day with my mum, sister and boyf, following
january has been filled with alot of anxiety, vexation and downhearted.

with the over-loaded assignments, events, work commitments and also emotional fights it lead the month into a neutral one, neither a good or a bad month.
i have been basically staying in studio till 9:30pm from monday – friday
& weekends are just work -> meeting the boyf

on a particular week of January has been the worst nerve-wrecking week for me, i even had the worst preparation prepared but i’m so glad it’s all over now.

also had my final year project presentation on the 22nd january and ….. apparently my ‘lus:id/ got choosen as one of the short film, slightly excited to get ‘lus:id/ shot!

Thoughts of the month 

> Hatred has been a big part of me as i was growing up and it’s still is, hate is a strong word so i always remind myself not to say it easily but a few days back i couldn’t go on telling myself that. i hate you, i hate how you were a part of his life, i hate that i even knew it before i met him, i hate everything that had happened between you and him even though it’s past which leads to point number two.

> Letting go, i let go of lots of stuffs as the year was ending last year and this time, i need to let go of the hatred i have within me, with the overwhelming hatred and jealousy in me, i’m changing into somebody else i don’t know.

> Love is greater, emotional fights were filling in during january, coming from understanding to finding fault to almost losing but i realize, love is greater, love is able to conquer and we know, we love each other.

on a side note, Chinese New Year is approaching !!!
i’m basically going all Zalora this cny not because i’m a brand ambassador but because online shopping was easier and less time spent + i always love Zalora clothes so why not?

i am recently really hook onto restaurant city 2016, felt like i was back in my secondary school days, just looking forward to go on facebook and check on my restaurant ….

although there’s still roughly half a year to my 21st birthday, the planning has already started and i’m kinda stuck on two choices ???
> Big Sky Room : No plain wall for photo taking
> Sky Room : Kinda small to fit in 30-40pax
but i really want to stick to lloyd’s inn for the hotel choice. sigh !!!
still trying to cap the amount of people to <30 but i currently have 40+ people on the list

bigskyroom_1skyroom_1

today, it’s day 02/29 and here’s to another busy month. cant wait for all the assignments to end

January’s visual

 

 

OCS Social Night

So Bernard invited me to his Alpha’s wing social night on the 30th December which was held at Safti, i kept bugging him for a proper invitation because i felt that since social night was a “grand” and important event, i deserve a proper invite ??? so … he wrote a really nice letter to me and plus point because he got me a bouquet of flowers (which was my first bouquet of flowers from him and also i checked out the cart + paid it with his credit card on my own because he couldn’t checked out hahahah qtpie)

He told me about the social night roughly a month before the event and yes, i was really paranoid and excited at the same time ???? i wanted to know what would it be like just to “equip” myself so i went to google and read a few blog posts from the girls who attended social night before and all of them look amaaaazing and roughly a week after i started looking for my social night dress which was really hard because i was busy with assignments and i had to shoot my short film during the term break and even when i had a day of break all i wanted to do was to rest so …. it was partly my laziness! ha.

I wanted to wear a maxi dress because i thought it would be more “appropriate” and bernard also mention that it would be quite “grand” and since he was going to wear his smart two … i wanted to look good beside him so i went onto carousell and selected my top five but eventually i chose a really pretty black halter bareback maxi dress and a few days later the postage came in the mail, i tried it the moment i got home but sadly i couldn’t fit the dress because my upper body was too skinny for the dress and the dress was practically exposing my boobs which was really …. krikkk, asked for sos and bernard’s sister was really sweet to spare me her fashion tape so i can tape the upper body’s side down but i went on to search for another back up dress (which i wasn’t suppose to but a girl got to do what she got to do, sorry bby!) and two days before the social night i managed to get another dress on carousell which was a really pretty piece too and best part ? it fitted me perfectly.

^ The dress that didn’t fit me but it’s soooo pretty ???? urgh! ^

 

 ^ My outfit for Social Night! ^

On the day of Social Night, i went over to bernard’s place in the afternoon after he book out because he place was just a fifteen minutes drive to safti and his parents were really sweet to drive us there!

so, i went over and bernard kept dragging me to dance because he said it was alpha’s tradition to dance during social night and to the people who don’t know me well … i honestly can’t dance, i can’t even shake my body well (i honestly wonder how i look like in club when i dance) but he kept mentioning that everyone had to dance and he was getting pissed because i just kept lying down on his bed and not wanting to move so reluctantly, i drag myself to his parents room and his mum taught us how to dance with the help of his sister, it was really fun and awkward because it was my first time dancing after a really long time and it was also my first time dancing with bernard … so i was slightly awkward and shy, i have no idea why ??? we practiced the dance and went to have lunch together. i tried my best not to eat too much because my dress was kinda tight fitting ….. went home to rest and started preparing, did my make up and changed into my dress where bernard styled his hair and got dressed in his smart two and god, he look so good!

His parents drove us to safti, we went to look for Elson before registering, we went in and bernard started to introduce his mates to me, all of their dates looks aaaaaaaaamazing, i was super amazed ??? and also felt sightly low in self-esteem but bernard reminded me that i look really good that night so yay comfort! we didn’t do anything much that night because we didn’t wanted to participate in the games so we kept can siam we siam! hahah it was more of following him around and had small conversation with his mates and their date, lucky me that i met some of his mates before during christmas so i was able to interact a-little! there were performances as well and i laughed so bad at one of the performance by one of his mate, they prank him earlier the day saying that he had to perform, it was suppose to be a prank but someone sabotage him and he had to perform the road march cheer (which was really quite impressive that he could thought of that in a really short time but nether-less it was a good performance, i laughed so much) and after that it was some award giving thingy.

 

 

1511360_1090127327688523_7197240522029652332_n

12489862_1090067254361197_469359580_o

 

Soon they started the alpha dance with the song thinking out loud !!! i was still slightly reluctant to dance but when bernard turned to me and said “shall we ?” i went ♥.♥ , still reluctant but i thought to myself why not ? since we already practiced and …. i never regretted dancing with bernard although throughout the dance i was laughing because he kept going “1,2,3,4” just like how we practiced at home and he was kinda off point so i told him “why not you follow my lead ?” but well, guys being guys with their ego … he insisted in leading so i just kept laughing but it was a really good dance and it was also out first dance so yay no regrets!
after the dance, it was some platoon dance ??? and he platoon was really cute dancing to harlem shake and eventually after that it was the night of the social night and we headed home by cab and had supper together before i went home.

I didn’t take a lot of pictures because …. half of the time i was just following bernard around but it was really nice meeting Jamie there and we had a short catch up before the night ended !!!

& to the girls who are reading this to prepare yourself for social night ….

1. Prepare at least two weeks before the night!
Outfit, Make up, accessories but i just did my normal everyday make up and my go to causal sling bag ! I only got my dress a week before the night which i couldn’t fit and it was too late to get it altered but lucky me that i managed to get a dress that fits perfectly two days before the event and it’s ok to over-dress, really!

2. Take more pictures
Smile and just take take take! I kept asking bernard to re-take our ootd and maybe because it was social night so he didn’t complain at all ???? which was really nice of him but i honestly regretted not taking more with the people i know!

3. Just enjoy the night 
I’m glad i took things easy and tried to open myself up more to talk to people first and just enjoy the night with the performances and the companies

& lastly, if your date is in alpha wing … DANCE !!! 

12511998_1092630974104825_1623072617_n

Looking forward to your commission !!! ♥

Goodbye, Twenty-Fifteen

Twenty-fifteen has been an honestly crazy year, ton’s of ups and downs, it was a very emotional year but it has also actually brought out a part of me that i wouldn’t have the courage to show the world without the encouragement from the friends, the boyf, the family and especially the clique (4ever)

I am absolutely grateful for tons of people, my boyf, my parents, my friends, the bestf and also i can’t help but repeat especially the clique (4ever)

In twenty-fifteen, i lost a a bunch of girls who held a really special place in my heart, one whom i had known for sixteen years, one whom had been one of my bestest friend and one whom turned from an enemy to a close friend. I don’t blame them neither do i blame myself now for us falling apart, we’ve all moved on i’m pretty sure.

In twenty-fifteen, i had receive praises, compliments and good comments from people in my life, mentioning that i’ve grown a lot, i’ve opened up a lot, i’ve been more independent in both school work and personal life and mainly, i’ve stepped out of my comfort zone which i felt that it was really important and also i’ve learnt to let go and move on in life.

In twenty-fifteen, i’ve achieved so many things. From being a GL for FOC Camp to being part of the main committee family of my club to finishing halloween special effects make up attachment (which was a really good experience) to being an SPOH website model and also getting my sponsorship for blogging!

In twenty-fifteen, my relationship has taken another step higher, from bernard’s graduation to being an NS BMT Girlf to an OCS Girlf now and with all the things that are in our way, we made it through so far and twenty-sixteen would be an amazing year with you again.

It has been an emotional year and i’m glad that twenty-fifteen is over as i’m really looking forward to a better year in twenty-sixteen.

I believe twenty-sixteen would continue to be an emotional year, clique splitting up, being a glt, stepping down, final year project, the hectic long awaited internship and oh have i mention that i’m back to teaching on the weekends ? + the boy’s brunei and taiwan trip ….

In twenty-sixteen, i would hit twenty-one which is the age that i’m always looking very forward to (and the planning for it has already started!) although i’m growing a year older and by the last day of twenty-sixteen, 31 December 2016.

Dear me, i hope you are able to check most of your twenty-sixteen resolutions, i hope you spent more time with your family and had the greatest twenty-one birthday party you have always wanted, i hope you are enjoying your internship and not regretting any choices you had made, i hope you had continue to step out of your comfort zone because in twenty-fifteen you’ve learnt that it was really important, i hope had continue trying hard at school in your assignments although i know by now you would still be hating nuke, maya, after effects and cinema 4D, i hope you and bernard are now counting down together, i believe you and him has make it through all your busy schedules and i hope you had a great year because today on the 1st January you believe it would be.

But well, here’s to all the good memories made in twenty-fifteen.

12470927_1090065054361417_284824732_o

xx

12482867_1090065017694754_532231273_o

12489862_1090067254361197_469359580_o

12470001_1090065037694752_1051651428_o